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AaronMichaelGordon.com: Voice of Degeneration

On "Bringing Your Child To Work."

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This entry was posted on 3/21/2008 7:01 PM and is filed under Insanity, Random Nonsense, Humor, General.

OK...at some point in the recent past, we, the people, decided that it would be great if parents could bring their children to work. Shit, most companies have even created a mother-fucking event around the idea, with 'Bring Your Child To Work Day.' One of my former employers went so far as to have 'activities' and 'learning annexes' for the kids (which is funny, as this is the same damned shit hole that fired said 'parents' on 'major holidays.')

This is just so stupid. In the first place, how can this be good for the children? "Wow, so this is the place that makes Mommy and Daddy so miserable when he gets home." Moreover, the kiddies are going to have plenty of time to explore the mind-numbing, soul-sucking spirit of 'work' as they enter their teens and for the rest of their natural lives. Hell, they may not get to retire, as we, the people have done such a remarkable job of squandering our national wealth. So...they have their entire lives to be adults at work...why are we intruding on their time to be young and free?

One of my Human Resource peeps believes that bringing your children to work is more for the parents than it is for the children, that it makes the day go quicker and it's altogether more pleasant for the breeders to have their brood there. Ummmm....no. In the first place, work is an escape from the world of burnt Barbie fights and Pokemons. It's a world for adults to be adults. In the second place, why in the fuck do I have to mitigate my personality to accommodate your children? I have to trade out 'shit' for 'sugar' because you couldn't keep the seed from reaching the egg. I don't think so!

Which brings up another problem: why are we, the people, celebrating humanity's ability to reproduce? I mean, seriously. 'Babies falling out of vaginas' is not exactly a novel condition for homo sapiens. You already get a tax break, a baby shower, and gifts from relatives...Jesus, ain't that enough? Besides, with billions of people and not enough rice, shouldn't we be celebrating not having children? Why don't the childless get a no-baby shower? Shit, I would send a gift or money to every ugly person I know (and in the District, that's a lot of mouth breathers, people) if they would just agree to not create more ugly babies I have to pretend are cute and adorable! And with less kids, housing costs would drop, aquifers would recharge, fish would come back to the oceans...less people means more, people!

What annoys me are those parents who abuse the 'Bring Your Child To Work Day' and decide to make that a regular occurrence. This guy, who sits a few doors down from me, brings his family of four runny-nosed freaks into the office at least once a week. I'm not kidding. How anyone decided to sit on this dude's cock in the first place is beyond me, as he makes Freddy Krueger look like a male model. And now there are four mini-troglodytes. And I hate them all.

Furthermore, where the hell is my day, as a single person with looks, a brain and a strong professional ethic? When do we have 'Bring your random fuck to work day?' Or 'drinking buddies day?' Hell, we could hold them at the same time, so the kids could actually have something to look forward to. "See, children? While your Mommy and Daddy go home with you and watch their marriage disintegrate over 'American Idol' and TV Dinners, here's who I'm going to screw later!" Then those kids could at least have an informed decision about their future.

Or you could just leave them at home and make everybody happy.





 

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