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AaronMichaelGordon.com: Voice of Degeneration

On "Being Four Minutes to 50."

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This entry was posted on 4/23/2008 1:11 PM and is filed under Pop Culture, Humor, So Damn Bad It's Great, Insanity.

I have to get this right out of the way. I abhore the new Madonna song, "Four Minutes." Having said that, I adore her new video for the song...but not from a place of respect and admiration. To me, this clip is so damn bad it's great. I, for one, am thrilled that Madonna has decided to react to being a half-century old with this insane clomp through the hip-hop genre.

You know, I could easily rip apart the "plot" of the video (where Madge and Justin Timberlake dance through environments seemingly being devoured by a moving, undulating wall of plastic shards?) I could attempt to figure out just what the hell this shit song is exactly about (4 minutes to save the world...from what? Destruction? Bad music? And if it is the end of the world, is the message to "grab a bay, grab a girl" and get your rocks off? In a meager 4 minutes?)

But that's just the 'bad.' Here's the 'so damn bad it's great.'

Madonna at 49 is batshit in this clip.

Bat. Shit. Insane.
 
And awesome for it.

Here's why: the Material Girl really thinks that she can pull off hip-hop hootchie. She really thinks that the kids will dig her rockin' a beige whore-suit. She really thinks that all the Botox and Restalyn in Southern California will erase the past 25 years of age from her face, as an insane physical regiment has maintained her body. She's got Britney's old extentions on, for eff's sake! In movie-star parlance, Madge is not following the Bette Davis route...but she's mos def pulling a page from the Joan Crawford handbook on age denial.

Oh, Madonna.

In their review of her upcoming album, Entertainment Weekly wondered "Just how massive is this midlife crisis of hers?" (They also gave the album a positive review; no surprise there, as they regularly give Madge props...and Warner owns both Madonna's last contracted album AND the very same magazine loving her.)

I'm not wondering about the size of the aformentioned crisis...I'm curious about the length. Can we look forward to another decade of Madonna pretending she's not 50? 55? 60? And what wonderfully bad incarnations will fall out of this refusal to accept the age to which one has grown into? Will the naked, look-at-my-vagina Madonna make a roaring comeback...just as that cat runs out of milk? Or how about one of her more 'serious' personas...maybe Margaret Thatcher-meets-red-leather? 

I can't fucking wait.

Because some of it will, against all odds, actually be 'good' or 'great,' in addition to the 'so damn bad it's great.' That's just Madonna's way...no matter what period she's in (or soon to be without.)

Think about it: her midlife crisis clearly began with "American Life," when the most famous woman in the world decided that her music needed to be 'important.' Enter military garb, Patty Heart and Joan Baez wigs and guitar strums...and the most loopy album of her career.

Ever.

From an 'I love a good train wreck' standpoint, techno-folk-singer Madonna was just awesome fun. And I'll even give her props for taking a huge risk, and for not being afraid to fall on her face.

In the aftermath of that dismal failure, Madge decided to relive and revive the time before she became famous, and invite listeners into the sonic world that inspired her: disco. This collection of her "Confessions on a Dance Floor" could have been another so damn bad it's great moment from the big M. After all, has anyone really been clamoring for a Disco Inferno since the lights went out at Studio 54?

Turns out, it's one of her best albums, ever...ranking alongside her other two gems, 'Ray of Light' and 'Like a Prayer.' So the midlife crisis does portent for some good moments, along with the 'What?!?'

Alas, I think Hip-Hop-a-donna is one of the latter. It's just such a stupid, desperate disguise. While we, the people, may believe that Maddie really kicked it at the disco in the late 70s...you'll have to buy me a clue if anyone actually finds Madonna at 'da club, yo. Seriously...come the fuck on! Roll me up a Philly at least if I'm supposed to suspend that belief!

So Madge (M-Dolla if ya nas-t,) I just don't buy it. That doesn't make it any less entertaining, however. Because the one thing that ties all of Madonna's 'roles' together is the level of commitment. She can be in a sex club, or covered in Sanskit tats, or bouncing her tah-tahs in Timberlake's face...and good or bad, she gives 150%.

That's why she's a legend. And that's one of the reasons why we all love her.

And why she always adds a touch of greatness to her badness.




 

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